My Strange Little Brain

So it seems that all my personal Revelations on this topic happen in Math class. This time our teacher was setting up a gravity word problem on the projector.
He said, "If you throw a rock..."
as he trailed off for a considerable amount of time I interjected, "then you must be sinless." under my breath.
there was a long silence throughout the whole classroom (okay, so not as quietly as I had thought. DRAM!) After the silence turned into chuckles my teacher asked, "You don't ever stop thinking do you?"
He continued with math without me answering.

It sucks how right, he doesn't know, he is. I am ALWAYS thinking. It's only fun a fourth of the time too.

Why Thinking ALL THE TIME sucks:

• It makes meditation impossible
• When I'm sad there's never enough to distract me from thinking about what's upsetting me, which in turn further depresses me
• when I walk out of a movie theater with my date I want to analyze the plot line and talk about symbolism and it's relation to the movie as a whole
  (usually when i start to do that my date's eyes get big, and they look intimidated, or they'll say something like, "Kate, you know it's just a movie. Right?") 
• My jokes seem less funny, because they take the average person to long to understand
• I look like a smart ass* in class when I speak up to answer a question, and find out that everyone else knew way less about a given topic
• I second guess problems with simple solutions
  (this applies to school and my life in general. Extra trivia- it's also the reason I wasn't very useful for the quiz bowl team)
• I give very complicated advice, which; often renders it useless to the person whom I am advising
• I get side tracked when speaking
  (this happens in a great number of ways, but the two most common are having to define a word I used, and then having to define the synonym, and sometimes supply even that definition with another one, and when I tell a story I feel the need to give background information as I go, and then I usually fail to complete the original story.)

*Note to Self- Find a Nerdy word to use in place of "ass"

The artistic insomniac

   There are days, like today, where I partially wish I were of simple mind and not at all creative. These days are rare, and happily so. These days are the ones were I'm so tired that it becomes almost unbearable. I'm sure everyone's experienced at least one day like that by my age, but I am not meaning to keep myself awake. My mom would probably tell you that I do this to myself, because it's summer and that I never put my phone down, not even to sleep, and that I'm always on my laptop. As much as I'd like for that simple reason to be the truth it's simply not. I haven't had more than 7 hours of sleep in the past 2 months. My body's actually used to me usually running on 6 hours all the time, but here lately I've been getting any where from 6-1/2 hours of sleep in a night. I know exactly what's keeping me up too. It's my brain. I can't make it shut up.

   Now I know there's a medical solution to that, but I'm truly not interested in a dependency on sleeping meds (even herbal based ones) to be able to sleep. When I move out and do the dirt poor college kid thing I don't want to have to worry about having to buy a bottle of rest every 30-60 days. ADHD meds are going to be expensive enough. I've tried soothing music, and that just caused me to think even more.

   My brain seems to believe that the best time to have deep philosophical thoughts, and amazing creative ideas is as I'm right at the edge of consciousness and sleeping. Then I am awake writing it down, or drawing a rough sketch. When my mind isn't creating it's over analyzing. I worry about things that are silly. For example when I tried to sleep last night I began thinking about upcoming events, and before I knew it I was up, and placing every date I needed to remember on my iPhone calendar.
 
   I wish that my brain would realize that night is for thinking, and that when I sit at a desk with my journal and my sketchbook is when the creative thinking is to be done. I know it doesn't work that way, and it never will. It would be nice though.

   Since I'm already wide awake, which did cause me to cry a tad and think to myself in a mental whimper, "I just want to be able to sleep..", I guess I will think some more. I wonder how many great minds have actually ever managed the sleep well. I can't answer that of course, but I do have a few that I think are least likely.

Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Wolfe, Edgar Allen Poe, and Carl Sagan.

   I'm plenty sure that their aren't many true intellectuals that haven't suffered insomnia at some point in their lives. I don't mean to imply that I am nearly as visionary as any of the aforementioned minds. I am not nearly so pompous. Actually I should probably think I'm closer to their greatness than I do. That's what happens when I think so much, and yet I think so little of myself.

   I know this post, like the others before it, will seem babbley (yeah I just made that word up), but it wouldn't be truly me if it weren't "babbley", all over the place, and hard to follow. This post may even read less smoothly than the others. Well except for the pencil-sharpener post, (I'm so sorry web of the world far, and wide for using even a single bit of data to publish that gem), incidentally; that post was written on a day when I was more exhausted than I currently am.

Here's what caused me to sleep poorly two nights ago:

   I am still running full speed locomotive in my head, but I think anything else I'd have to say would be completely unrelated to my inability to sleep.

Me VS Myself

It's strange to be both Logical and Creative. I have a brain that won't even do both equally all the time. My mind works were I'm either in a mostly Logic based state of mind, or I am in a mostly Creative mindset. I think war is a good way to describe what goes on mentally my first few hours awake everyday. What I mean by that is the two sides of thinking seem to collide and which ever one is stronger that morning generally controls my whole day. It's almost like having two completely different personalities in the same pretty wrapping.